Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
