oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the liver wants what the liver wants
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
