I want to have your abortion
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
