I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize