Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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