i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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