If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
