Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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