dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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