If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize