he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
