I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
