What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize