In the future we'll all be gay
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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