There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
