he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
