Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
