I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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