I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
