I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
