Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's rum buckets o'clock
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
