Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
