wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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