Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
