ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
