Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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