i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
