well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
