apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
