the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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