So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
