life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
