Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need moral support for this bender
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
