speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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