Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
