I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
