Christians are straight up FREAKS
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
