make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
