I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
