I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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