He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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