i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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