Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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