Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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