I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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