my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
