the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
