what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
