I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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