I think my fart just growled at me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
