There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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