We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
