That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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