When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm passing your future prison.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
