He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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