Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had sex on a roof
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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