wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
