I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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