I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
