you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
