Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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