i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
