I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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