Me too!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
