What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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