She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
