Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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