I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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